Our experience with teens, young adults, and families who seek our guidance clearly demonstrates that the community at large
is struggling to maintain a sense of peace within themselves and within their homes. For this reason, we will provide several weeks of inspiration to foster better communication and stronger relationships.
Finding peace is something we can all do. It will serve those we love and our community. And it is a life’s work—a gentle, important, and
calming piece of peace, one day at a time.
We can strengthen the communication in our marriages by learning from the stories of our gedolim. In addressing a gathering on shalom bayis (family unity), Reb Shlomo Volbe, t'zl, told how a merchant in a bustling marketplace received a complaint regarding a purchase he had made. The merchant listened attentively to the customer's concerns, asking questions to understand the issue better. Instead of becoming defensive or dismissive, the merchant apologized for any inconvenience caused to the customer. Going above and beyond to ensure the customer was satisfied, he then offered solutions to rectify the situation. Upon hearing this story, a
woman approached Reb Volbe tz'l and shared her struggles with communication. After listening with empathy, Reb Volbe offered
gentle guidance. He explained that communication in marriage requires active listening and empathy, just as it does with the
merchant in the story.
Bringing this point home, listen to your spouse with an open heart and try to understand his or her perspective when they express concerns or feelings. Empathize with and validate the other person's feelings, even if you disagree on certain points.
In Michtav Me'Eliyahu, Rabbi Dessler, t'zl, discusses the nature of giving and selflessness in relationships. He emphasizes the
importance of giving without expecting immediate reciprocation, especially in moments of conflict. By applying this approach, couples can approach communication with generosity, empathy,
and willingness to understand each other's perspective without seeking validation or agreement at every turn. Marriages flourish in
an atmosphere of trust, vulnerability, and mutual growth.
There is no doubt that listening is at the heart of every relationship. In listening, we are engaged instead of detached. We respect one
another and are open to one another. Great speakers might move crowds, but great listeners change lives.
May we recognize what is truly important and how we can best foster love in our marriages. When we embrace these teachings, I am certain that our children will reap the greatest benefits.
sfs