There seems to be a dichotomy on Purim. On one hand we dress up in various costumes, disguising who we really are and “becoming” someone else. On the other hand, men drink at the seudah and the essence of wine is to reveal who someone truly is. “Nichnas yayin yatzah sod”- When wine goes in, secrets are revealed.
On most days we do not dress as other people but neither do we reveal our deepest cores. We do not share every negative and sarcastic thought, and rightly so there are parts of our innermost selves that we tuck away. But on this unique holiday of Purim, we spend most of the day hiding who we are and then sit by the seudah and bare our very essence. Why both extremes on one day?
If we look at the Purim story we see that H-shem hid Himself for most of the story. But in the end His glory was revealed through the miraculous salvation brought about by Mordechai and Esther. H-shem too hid Himself until the right time and then revealed Himself as the ultimate true Savior of Am Yisrael. Mordechai and Esther too hid who they really were until the appropriate time at which point their true loyalties and intentions were revealed. We mimic this idea by wearing disguises during the day and then “revealing” ourselves at the climax of the day, during the seudah.
Although I have heard this dvar torah before, as a social worker working with adolescents this idea struck a chord with me this particular year. It is well known that Purim is a holiday which many teenagers enjoy. This article will not discuss teen’s use of alcohol but everyone is aware of what I am referring to. But beyond the obvious, it is interesting to me why teenagers, even many who are not frum, seem to enjoy celebrating Purim.
As the Director of Adolescent Programming at Madraigos, one of my responsibilities is to oversee the Lounge programs. The Lounge program provides a safe and trusting environment for all teenagers who are facing personal and religious struggles. And even among the at-risk girls I work with, I observed that they all plan to dress up and celebrate Purim. I have been giving this a lot of thought trying to understand what it is about Purim that they find so appealing. And in reflecting on the concept written above, it dawned on me that for these girls the essence of Purim is something that hits home to them at their very core. A typical teenager these days wears a “disguise” every day. For some, the disguise they wear is that of a typical frum girl while in reality they are no longer shomer shabbos and often eating non-kosher when out of their homes. And for others, although still frum, their disguise is in pretending that they are always happy and well adjusted while in actuality, they are facing extremely difficult challenges on a daily basis. It is this second group of teenagers that I would like to discuss further.
Although originally founded to work with at-risk teenagers, in recent years, Madraigos has expanded their prevention programs. Madraigos recognized the need to reach out and educate adolescents prior to beginning a possible downward spiral and engaging in risky behaviors. Teenagers today are facing tremendous challenges in every area. They are pushed to their limits academically while also dealing with emotional struggles of adolescence and extremely difficult social situations. The pressure of fitting in has only increased as technology has expanded. Whereas a decade ago a teen could compartmentalize school life from home life, in today’s world of social media, those boundaries have been broken down. There is no “safe space” from the façade and no escape from the constant pressure of appearances. And with the majority of teenagers I work with, their parents do not know how much they struggle. Whether it is due to the breakdown of intimate family relationships, or from wanting to shield their parents from pain, many teenagers are not confiding in their parents what they are truly dealing with on a regular basis. School is fine; friends are great, extra-curricular activities are enjoyable. And parents have no idea that behind the short answers is a child struggling with a friend’s eating disorder, an episode of cyber-bullying, a clique they will never be a part of and the feeling when they look in the mirror that they will never be good enough. Their struggles, their pain, their challenges are hidden behind a mask. They are convinced that no one can understand what they are facing and in the future they pay the price when years of secrets and difficulties take their toll.
The staff at Madraigos has seen this time and time again. And to that end we have developed programs to step in and intercede before the burdens become too difficult to bear. One of the programs developed is GNO- Girls/ Guys Night Out. In addition to our Lounge programs for the at-risk community, one weeknight a week (separate for boys and girls) mainstream yeshiva high school teens are invited to our Lounge to participate in activities and programs. This night gives teenagers a healthy outlet and a safe space for them to come and relax. The programs are both overseen by Madraigos staff members and attendees are encouraged to develop a healthy relationship with staff members who can play the role of a mentor in navigating life’s challenges. Typical teenage struggles are addressed in a group discussion at the end of the night.
Madraigos has now gone one step further and developed a range of workshops to bring prevention into every community school. The clinical staff has developed these prevention workshops that range from topics such as substance abuse to body image to bullying. The workshops are interactive and can be tailored to fit a school’s specifications. These workshops are available to every school free of charge and are presented by a social worker from Madraigos. These workshops allow us to bring the messages of prevention to the teenagers, rather than waiting for the teenagers to come to us. There is always time for students to ask questions publicly and privately from the Madraigos staff member. No topic is off limits and their struggles are discussed in an open, honest and safe manner.
In September of 2011, Child Trends, a nonprofit nonpartisan research center, conducted a study discussing seven strategies of how to prevent risky behaviors among adolescents. Three of the strategies listed are to increase connections between students and their schools, to promote the development of sustained relationships with caring adults, and to provide children with high quality education. Through the GNO programs and our school workshops, Madraigos is providing these three strategies to every school, family and adolescent in our community. At Madraigos we are doing our part to “unmask” our youths and provide them with a safe place to reveal their essence.
For more information about the Madraigos Lounge programming and/or to schedule a workshop in your school please contact Mindi Werblowsky, Director of Adolescent Programming at Madraigos, at mwerblowsky@madraigos.org or at 516-371-3250 ext. 113.
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