As we approach the Yom Tov of Chanukah, we strive to elevate ourselves and our families through the mitzvah of kindling the Chanukah lights. Beyond the lighting itself, we are inspired by watching the flames dance upward toward Heaven. These flames symbolize Klal Yisroel's resilience and ability to rise above challenges, a message that resonates deeply with each and every one of us.
The Chanukah flames serve as a beacon of hope, reminding us that in even the darkest times, our only true reliance is on our Father in Heaven. As our brothers and sisters in Eretz Yisroel confront numerous challenges, we draw strength from knowing that unwavering trust in H-shem will guide us.
Challenges often serve as powerful catalysts for personal, and the more daunting the challenge, the greater the potential for transformation. At Madraigos, we also faced a challenging year guiding and supporting our precious children. We encourage parents to tap into the lesson of Chanukah as it teaches us to trust Hashem to help us navigate the unique struggles of each child. With perseverance and faith, we continue to empower our children with the tools and values they need to thrive and the ability to grow with resilience and purpose.
One of the most impactful ways to guide our children is by leading through example. The best way to influence them is not just through words, but through our actions—modeling resilience, growth, and the values we hope to instill. As parents, we strive to inspire our children toward personal growth and development. Instilling a positive trajectory in children—whether they are young or grown—is a core goal for every parent. Yet, achieving this requires more than intention; it demands careful consideration of how discipline and guidance are delivered. How can we expect our children to embrace introspection and growth if they harbor resentment toward our parenting? And what happens when the needs of different children within the same family require varying parenting approaches? Each child must be guided individually, with great sensitivity to his/her unique needs, despite the needs of the siblings in the family.
Consider a nine-year-old boy who refuses to follow directions and acts out when reprimanded. His parents must discipline him but struggle with how much to push. If they avoid addressing the behavior and take a passive approach, they risk enabling the child to grow into an adult who cannot handle disappointment or overcome obstacles. Similarly, consider a 24-year-old young woman who spends two years in Israel "finding herself," drifts between jobs, and ultimately returns home without direction, living with her parents and lacking a clear vision for her future.
Finding the balance between guiding your child toward right and wrong and allowing them the freedom to learn from their mistakes is one of parenting's toughest challenges. How much control can a parent exert without pushing a child into a negative spiral? Should we stand by and let a young adult make harmful decisions to allow them to learn from their own experiences? At what point should we intervene?
However, when parents and children work together to address challenges and develop practical solutions, the outlook is far more promising. Dr. Stanley Turecki, a respected child psychiatrist and author, advises parents to avoid addressing difficult issues in the heat of conflict, as this often leads to power struggles. Instead, he recommends having “planned discussions,” where both parent and child collaborate to create a new direction that feels constructive for both sides.
Ultimately, as parents, as well-meaning as we are, we must remember that the outcomes are not in our hands, as Chanukah teaches us. Only H-shem knows the ultimate outcome. Our role is to make the best choices as we see it, trusting that the ultimate result lies with H-shem. The Shira at the Yam Suf reminds us of this truth. When the Torah recounts the event, it says, “Az Yashir,” using future tense to describe the song. Why does it say, “will sing,” rather than “sang”? This subtlety teaches us that B'nei Yisroel's spiritual elevation came not only from singing the Shira but also from their decision to sing.
May this Chanukah inspire our spiritual growth as we strive to elevate ourselves and our children. With H-shem’s guidance, may we strengthen our emunah, rise above the challenges, and take meaningful steps toward achieving our goals and aspirations.
sfs